Being a missionary means to a lot of well-meaning people that you have it all together, that you have more faith than them, that you don't have days when you want to give up.
That's not true.
But still the pressure's there and so many of us in ministry conform. I've done it; I've witnessed others doing it around me. And if the people pleasing isn't bad enough, we soon start believing the lies ourselves.
Yesterday Pastor Levi preached about the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector. If you need a refresher on the story, here's the scripture from Luke 18: 9-17:
And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’ I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
And they were bringing even their babies to Him so that He would touch them, but when the disciples saw it, they began rebuking them. But Jesus called for them, saying, “Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all."
As Pastor Levi began drawing attention to exactly what the Pharisee was saying, I had to be honest. That sounded a lot like me. The Pharisee was saying, "Look here, God. I did this and this and this and this for You. What are you going to do for me now?" Sometimes this summer, I've subconsciously thought, "Look, Lord. I've been meeting with churches and individuals all summer and I've been praying and I've been seeking to be faithful. Aren't You going to bring me to full support, now?"
Like He owes me anything.
"The just shall live by faith." (Rom 1:17) I've been wanting to live by the faith part so I'd look like I had it together but forgetting the just part. I am not just because of myself or my works. He took the pride, the doubt, the sinful desires, the fear---and changed them into righteousness. He was "merciful to me--the sinner!" Justification. The reason I can live by faith. Because He gave Himself for me and has shown Himself so Faithful. Not because I earned anything.
That baby at the end of the parable whom Jesus said would enter the kingdom wasn't saying, "Look at all this stuff I've done for you, Jesus!" That baby was resting in the Everlasting Arms that created the world, living out the utter dependance that true faith brings. I want to be like that.
In these coming weeks leading up to my departure for Portland, I want to approach support-raising differently, to go back to what I originally had as my heart when I started this process before I got caught in the lie of performing worthiness instead of praising reliance.
"The just shall live by faith."
Yes, Lord. Thank You.
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How has performing worthiness crept into your thinking, your daily living, your ministry?
How can you pursue a praising reliance?
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