When Campus Ministers Love College Students Too Much

I'm not ashamed to say I love college students. And there's not really anything you could do to get me to change that. I do believe that God placed a deep love for university-aged young adults in my heart--and as the children's song would say it--down in my heart to stay.

But this past weekend, I sat completely broken in an empty parking lot and sobbed. The words of frustration came in torrents as I spoke all the poison that had been building for months. After a while of hurling other random frustrations aloud to the Lord, I finally busted out this confession:

"Abba, I HATE summer. I feel so useless. I need schedule. I don't know what to do without my students. I--"

The world seemed to halt as I felt silent. I heard my own words. "I don't know what to do without my students."

I took a deep breath. "That's what this whole thing is about, isn't it?" I felt God smile. He does truly rejoice when we finally realize the truth: somewhere along the way, I had begun to find my identity in my college students.

Ridiculous? Absolutely.
Insane? As much as the roller-coaster lives they live.
Why? (That's a good question.)

With my identity in my students, my mood has shifted with every day on campus; my thoughts have been jumbled with the ever-shifting flow of events and schedules. I have felt hopeless when students aren't growing as fast as I feel they should; I've made myself a god to judge their progress; I've hurt them as I've pushed them at my pace  and with my directions and not His. And in that, I've loved them TOO MUCH... if too much love is really love.

These past 48 hours I've been asking God to alter my gaze from myself and my students to His sacrificial love. Every time I felt joy or sadness emerge, I'm asking myself, "Where is this stemming from?" If it's stemming from something other than Jesus and an acknowledgement of all He has given me and mine, it is purely prideful, dangerously shallow, constantly shifting, and simply selfish. And that's not what true love looks like.

I must love--not too much--but fully. And that comes first from abiding in His love's fullness. "So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him" (I John 4:16)

I desire to love college students, but my ultimate desire is that they would know Jesus.  If my "love" for them gets in the way of Jesus' love for them, I might as well hate them. Oh, that He would create in me a heart clean to be a fellow vessel and not a dam! I do not gain energy by my students growth, but instead I need Someone bigger than me to change any of our realities--whether reaching out to pour us out or fill us up.

No more need summer be a time of despair. These are days full of abiding and serving, just like the school year. These are days of preparation, joy, and hope. These are days ordained by my Father before the foundation of the world. These are days to love fully!

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." (John 15:9-11)

As if He knew I needed a reminder of His mercy, He sent a sunset to that lonely, tear-washed parking lot. The words of Lamentations 3:22-24 filled my soul: "The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul. 'Therefore I have hope in Him.'" And yet the Lord took it farther. "My mercies don't wait until morning to be new, child," He said. "Every sunset is a testament to you of that." What wondrous Love is this, oh my soul!

My soul waits silently for God alone--for my expectation is from Him. (Ps. 62:5)

He Knew What He Was Getting Into

The garden was still. Moving among the trees, He called out again. "Adam? Where are you?" Not that He didn't know. He was looking right through the trees to Adam's hideout. But He graciously gave Adam a chance to step out and speak for himself.
"I heard Your voice in the garden and I was afraid," came the timid reply, almost at a whisper.
The Father sighed, sorrowful. The day had come. He had given Adam freedom to choose, with the full knowledge that he could walk away from perfect relationship and straight into the pit of despair.

Yes, He knew what He was getting into. And He still fashioned you and made you a beautiful part of His creation. He sees deeper than your failure.

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The waves rose higher, gaining on Peter's height by the second. As he sank, he cried out in panic, "Lord, save me!" With compassion, Jesus took him by the hand and helped him back into the ship. Yet as He climbed in Himself, He sighed. Loaves and fish multiplied, blind given sight, demons cast out, water walked on, and Peter still couldn't quit looking at the earth's limitations and elements from a human fisherman's standpoint. Would Peter ever get it? "Well...yes...kind of." Jesus thought, grimacing at the knowledge that the moment of denial lay between the present and Peter's bold sermon and "get it" moment. Still--despite this twinge of pain--just a few days later, He proclaimed blessing over Peter and deemed him a leader and rock for the church.

Yes, He knew what He was getting into. And He still called choose you and called your name to be a fisher of men and a leader in His church. He sees in you strength.

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The tears flowed in torrents. Her brother was dead, and Jesus didn't even care. Someone had told him to come days ago, and He hadn't showed any concern by coming! How could He be good? 

Martha burst through the door. "The Teacher is here, and He is asking for you," she said. Mary's heart hesitated. She wanted Him to be here; she needed Him in this overwhelming grief. Yet she struggled against the pain-filled anger and a desire to run. It took everything in her to pick herself up and go to Jesus, falling at His feet. "Lord, if you had been here, my brother wouldn't have died." She cried the words in desperation.

The Teacher gazed with compassion upon her weary form and shoulders shaking with sobs. If only she knew what was coming soon to her family--what a glorious resurrection reunion would bring back her brother while giving glory to God--if she could grasp back to the faith that helped her choose the good part by sitting and learning of God! But for now, He wept with her.

Yes, He knew what He was getting into. And He is not shocked by your brokenness. He sees the end from the beginning--the finished work of your life after all the messiness has been cleared away. 

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He knew what He was getting into, friends. And yet He still said "Yes." No matter where you are, let the truths of these stories and song below comfort your heart. Proclaim Who He is. Preach truth to your soul. Take heart today in Him Who fills all in every way (Eph. 1:23)  What a sweet grace is ours! 

Lessons in Spirit-Led Leadership

This past semester has been a full one--full of joy, full of grief, full of expectation, full of awe, full of lessons.

God has had a lot to teach me this semester about Leadership and what it means to be "Spirit-led."
And He continues, of course.

At the beginning of the year in January, I knew Joshua and I were losing our student leadership team. I knew it had been happening for a long time when I began sharing new vision and ideas in September. I tried so hard to change that every leadership meeting. I knew from their obvious faithfulness and commitment to Christ that they wanted to be a part of His work. And I wanted them to understand more fully how excited I knew the Holy Spirit was about His work in this place. I would speak with joy and anticipation, eagerly sharing His goodness with them, pouring everything my soul could handle into as encouraging of a speech as possible.

Again. And Again. And Again. 

One of them would be exhilarated, ready-to-go; the other three would look at me, hopeful but with a look of "I don't know what you are talking about" lingering in their eyes. I would leave leadership meeting exhausted once again, wondering why I had failed yet again. I'd given it everything!

So I cried "Why, God? What am I doing wrong?"

And then one day, one of the leadership students echoed me. "Mom," one of them addressed me in my usual nickname that always makes me smile. "What are we doing wrong? We invite and try hard, but no one is coming. I feel like NCM isn't going anywhere."

My heart sank. I had lost them. But how? But why?

I decided to ask. "What do you think we could do to make it better?"

His response was so clear, "I know you are excited, Mom. And I know God has given you a vision of where we are going and that it is beautiful. I can see it when you talk with us. I know you are the leader God wants to lead us there because you seem to always know we are moving. But I can't see it. I don't know what to measure it by. I don't know how I can be a part of getting to the end." He sighed. "I don't know what I personally am supposed to do everyday. So I find myself not doing anything."

In one second, I saw staff meeting after staff meeting, leadership after leadership meeting flash through my mind's eye. I saw the moments last year where I would leave a planning meeting with Joshua super frustrated because I felt like he would never understand. I saw the moments when I knew we were losing the student leadership team and felt helpless. And it dawned on me.

I was trying to communicate with them all like they were Miriam. Like I was the center of the universe.

Over the past few weeks, God has been showing me a lot about how leadership requires humbly leading differently according to how various students need to be led.

One of the leadership students is like me. Shep is big-picture, conceptual, more of a feeler, comfortable floating in and out of people's stories, knowing all along that God will bring the story to it's needed end.

The other three are detail-oriented, literal, fact-based, comfortable creating a long term plan out of short term ones, calculating their time out wisely to get to the desired end.

And so now when I present information at leadership meeting, I am learning to present it both ways. I am learning to dream in big-picture fashion first because that is what is natural to me and helps me grasp hold of the energy I need to encourage them. But then I begin the process of asking them questions and helping them break it down into more accomplish-able strategy that those who need facts can grasp and throw their all into.

Because it takes us all.

God designed each of our brains differently, and He uses us to balance each other beautifully. Alongside the spiritual gifts and personality types, learning styles are also a valuable piece of the effective Body of Christ.

Last year, I arrogantly approached the different views Joshua and I had in ministry with the attitude that Joshua "just wasn't relying on the Spirit enough."  I had in my head that relying on the Spirit meant just feeling Him directing you in the moment and obeying. That's what I do everyday and it works for me in the way that I interact with Him. But through all of this, I've realized that is not the only way to interact with the Spirit. I believe that Joshua, Cody, Karissa, and Ryan all rely on the Spirit in their lives and commune with Him as they serve the Lord. They are incredible leaders full of His abiding presence! But their approach to walking in that presence means inviting the Spirit into the planning process, asking Him in advance of the moment about the details, the time, the strategy. And that is just as spiritual, just as holy, just as Biblical.

And we can learn from each other. Sometimes I need to be reminded of the details, of the prioritization of goals. Sometimes others need encouragement to jump fully into every situation, even if it wasn't on the list today.

I'm grateful that God chose to create us uniquely and fill us with His Spirit.
I'm grateful that He forgives my arrogance and allows me to continue to serve as I grow daily.
I'm grateful that NCM is moving--rapidly--toward amazing things as He completes His perfect work.
I'm grateful that we don't have to be losing heart or arguing or flailing, but "rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love." (Ephesians 4:15-16)

But I'm most grateful that Christ is Leader enough for us all!

Finding Grace

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in the time of need" (Hebrews 4:16).

As I was studying this passage earlier this week, the words "receive mercy" and "find grace" stuck out to me. The author could have written "receive mercy and grace" or "find mercy and grace" but no--he wrote "receive mercy and find grace."

This drove me to the Greek to see what the difference in the two verbs could be in the original and what this could mean for us. What I found was interesting!

Receive--Gk: λαμβάνω lambanō: to lay ahold of any person or thing in order to use it; to take what is already one's own.

Mercy--Gk: ἔλεος eleos: kindness or good will towards the miserable and the afflicted, joined with a desire to help them.

Find--Gk: εὑρίσκω heuriskō: to practice and experience; to find out for one's self.

Grace--Gk: χάρις charis: goodwill, favor, of the merciful kindness by which God, exerting His holy influence upon souls, turns them to Christ; keeps, strengthens, increases them in the Christian faith, knowledge, and affection; and kindles them to the exercise of the Christian values.

In essence, receiving mercy only requires the accepting, but grace builds upon the accepting by putting the grace into action through practice. God freely bestows mercy and grace (a result of mercy) upon our lives every day and it is by no means earned, but we choose whether we practice and experience it. We choose the finding.

Grace is simply Mercy working out on a daily run.  Receiving Mercy says "I'm forgiven and set free" and Finding Grace says "I'm going to live like it." Too often we stop at the receiving.

How are you finding grace today?

Watch It, Church!

"You also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect." (Luke 12:40)

She blurted the words out through pain, "I'm just ready for Jesus to come back, Miriam. The world's going more and more downhill, and I don't want to be here. I'm just praying He comes soon and takes us all out of here!"
I took a deep breath. "I know it's difficult to see and hear of the pain in the world right now, but I'm not ready for Jesus to come back; I have friends who don't yet know Jesus. I pray He delays judgment."
She sighed. "Well, I don't have any friends like that so I'm ready."

~ ~ ~

I sat with another friend in an empty coffee shop. Her words pierced me to my inner core. "Miriam, this is a unreachable generation; there's no point in trying to reach them. We're casting pearls before swine. Scripture says to wait for His coming. So that's what I'm doing. Just waiting. And hoping He comes tomorrow. I've been reading about heaven, and I've just decided that I want to go there instead."
My heart wanted to break.

~ ~ ~

He spoke words I'd grown all too accustomed to hearing the past few months. "Miriam, the signs of the times point toward His coming, and I'm ready for His return. I'm sick of this mess, of people going after all their sinful ways, of those opposed to Christianity seeking to destroy the church. Why doesn't Jesus just return already? We'd be better off."
My whole frame threatened to shake with the grief that swelled up within me. I wanted to scream, "What happened to the church?"

~ ~ ~

Why doesn't Jesus come back already, anyway? He ended Revelation with "Surely I come quickly", didn't He? This generation has rejected Him already, right?

I've realized as I pondered on these conversations for the past few weeks, that this has actually become a much-more widespread attitude within the Church than I've ever realized before. Are you just hanging out in this world, coasting to the finish line and hoping it's as soon as possible?

I'd like to turn your attention to 2 Peter 3:9:12, 14-18.  I believe Peter gave us very valuable insight into this question the Church seems to be asking left and right.

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. But the day of the Lord will come like a thief, and then the heavens will pass away with a roar, and the heavenly bodies will be burned up and dissolved, and the earth and the works that are done on it will be exposed. Since all these things are thus to be dissolved, what sort of people ought you to be in lives of holiness and godliness, waiting for and hastening the coming of the day of God...Therefore, beloved, since you are waiting for these, be diligent to be found by him without spot or blemish, and at peace. And count the patience of our Lord as salvation, just as our beloved brother Paul also wrote to you according to the wisdom given him, as he does in all his letters when he speaks in them of these matters. There are some things in them that are hard to understand, which the ignorant and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do the other Scriptures. You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, take care that you are not carried away with the error of lawless people and lose your own stability. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.

Jesus also gave us another insight, commanding that we don't just wait, but that we "watch therefore, for we do not know neither the day nor the hour." (Matthew 25:13) Watching requires engagement.

Engagement in what?
 
Simple as these may feel, there are three main reasons for why Jesus has left us awaiting His coming. Basic truths of our faith? Yes. But basic truths the Church as a whole seems to often have forgotten or thrown aside. And none of them allow for passive siting and wishing. Are you willing to engage in the action?

Jesus leaves us here today to watch because:

1.His desire is that EVERYONE would come to know His salvation. Jesus is less concerned with the Church's present comfort and more concerned with the future destination of the rest of the world who are on a path toward eternal separation. What are we actively choosing to do each day to take the focus off ourselves and on to others? We are commanded to "walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of time." (Col. 4:5) When is the last time you shared your faith? Do you have active relationships with non-believers? If you answered no, stop reading right now, GO to a local place where people gather in your community and MAKE ONE. Start today. Not tomorrow. We're not promised tomorrow. There is no excuse for any believer to not have non-believing friends. I cannot emphasize this enough. 

2. He desires that we grow in Him, understanding more of His grace and the knowledge of Him. Jesus is less concerned with you "enduring" this world until you finally make it to His presence and more concerned with revealing His presence in this very day.  Jesus asked the Father to send the Spirit, and we "know Him for He dwells with us and will be in us." (John 14:17) How have you paused to notice His presence and grow in your knowledge of how incredible our God is today?

3. He desires that we encourage others to realize His presence. Jesus is less concerned with you filling your schedule to the brim with good Christian activities, and more concerned with you intentionally investing specifically in a few people. He requires mercy before sacrifice, people before projects. After being "strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus," we are to entrust all that we learn of Jesus to others who will be able to in turn "teach others also." (2 Timothy 2:1-2)

As I am sitting here writing this, I am listening to a random playlist of instrumental music. Just as I begin to wonder how I am to conclude this, an all-too-familiar (my favorite) and loved Christmas song, "Joy to the World", starts playing in my ears. I cannot help but smile, friends. We sing these words at Christmas with gusto, but perhaps we need to sing them today, right in the middle of August. Will you allow yourself to take them to heart? 

 Joy to the World , the Lord is come!
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare Him room,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing.

Joy to the World, the Savior reigns!
Let men their songs employ;
While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy.

No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.

He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders, of His love.

Will you place yourself out in the world and proclaim His love, truth, and grace despite the curse? The Curse's greatest desire is for you to sit still passively waiting, BUT "thanks be to God Who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ! Therefore, my friends, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord, your labor is not in vain." (I Cor. 15:57-58)

We weren't meant to simply wait, but to wait AND watch. Watch it, Church!

Glorieta 2014

Group shot at Glorieta: Campuses represented include Portand State University, Clackamas Community College, Eastern Washington University, Multnomah Bible College, and University of Oregon, as well as students from Northwest Contexture Church.

Some of you have been asking about Glorieta. I wanted to share briefly about this experience with our college students. Glorieta is a Christian camp in the mountains of New Mexico; every August, ~2000 college students and their leaders from all over the country gather for Collegiate Week. Ken and Dondi (my pastor and his wife) and other long-term collegiate ministers in the Northwest have been making the drive to Glorieta from Portland for over twenty years. As they spoke all year of this long-standing tradition, I was excited to experience it with my own college students. Two of my leadership students, Cody and Jason, were able to attend this year. I am grateful for this incredible week with them and the others from Northwest campuses.

Each day at Glorieta is set up with large group worship times, small groups, recreation times, and breakout sessions. Breakout sessions ended up being my favorite time of all. For these, directors and students were typically given different options. This ended up being a huge blessing for me, as each of the director's sessions addressed various topics that will assist me in weeks to come. I gained much helpful information and training from sessions on topics of importance in this era of campus ministry such as planning and leading effective small groups, dealing with issues of sexual identity (including homosexuality and pornography) with gracious Biblical conversations, investing into and choosing a student leadership team, building much-needed relationships with university staff, etc. Learning from campus ministers who have been in this ministry for 20-30 years was incredibly valuable!

Our students also enjoyed their breakout sessions, which were practical in nature and addressed such topics as "How Can There Only Be One God?", "A Biblical View of Homosexuality", "What Does Commitment Look Like in the Life of a Believer?", "How Should a Christian Respond to 50 Shades of Gray?", "Christ-centered Dating", and other issues and topics our college students face on a daily basis as they live and interact with a community who doesn't know our Jesus. I was thrilled to see them discuss the concepts they learned and further research together what scripture has to say about these matters so they would be "ready to give an answer."

Worship each morning and evening also presented much food for thought. The speakers all encouraged us to be bold in sharing our faith and ready to GO each day as the Lord revealed how and where. I was encouraged in further conversations with our students to pinpoint specific people in their lives in need of the gospel, as well as share with them people God has put on my heart. Pray for us as we seek to be obedient in sharing with these specific friends in the days and weeks to come.

Recreation provided spiritual lessons, also. One of the girls in our group was terrified of the 4-story slide into the lake and said she would not do it. After much convincing that she could indeed be brave and that this would be a first step into getting out of her comfort zone, she conquered this fear. To see her confidence boosted and her apply how God was with her in that moment of discomfort to changes she needed to make at home ("God will be with me then as He was with me on the slide.") was worth the time and energy invested, as well as having to conquer my own fear of the fish in the lake (I HATE FISH) so I could do it with her! haha... :) I love how God uses the little things to show us huge spiritual truths!

Glorieta was an encouraging experience for us all, and I am looking forward to taking more students along next summer! Thank you to all who prayed for us as we traveled, counseled students as they heard from the Lord, and heard from God in specific ways ourselves!

Burn The Ships

I'm sitting in the Albuquerque, New Mexico airport waiting to be picked up by a van full of college students and fellow campus ministers whom I love dearly. We're headed to Collegiate Week at Glorieta Christian Camp, where several thousand college students and their leaders will worship together this week. I'm stoked! I might be excited a little because of camp (I LOVE camp!), but mainly I'm excited because:

It's the Beginning of Year Two.  

Today as I flew across the U.S., I reflected on this last year and this summer. I thought about what I would name these months if I had to give them a title. Without a doubt, I would give them the over-arching title: The Call To Be Courageous.

Last year was hard, y'all. Although I now desperately love the City of Roses, let's face it; there were many times I wanted to give up and go back to GA.

There was the fact that I moved 3000 miles away from my family. 

I left that day for Oregon with $80 to my name needing to feed, house, and transport myself for two weeks before I would get my first check from supporters. 

One of my spiritual moms and good friends died of cancer five weeks into the journey. 

I built all new friendships in every arena from the ground up (and in the process, stumbled quite a bit).

Culture shock was in full swing and with it many new philosophies to seek to discern Truth about.

I first had three roommates who didn't love Jesus--or me. 

Joshua and I had no idea how we were going to connect with students, much less start any consistent ministry. 

And the list could go on.

While I've been home in GA this summer, people have said over and over: "I don't know how you moved there all by yourself; I couldn't do that."  Do you know what my response is to that? 

Actually, you could.

You have the potential to be very, very brave. 

Do you know how I know that? Because our heavenly Father gave us the command to "Be strong and courageous, and do not be afraid." (Josh 1:9) And He doesn't give commands He doesn't give us a choice and the ability through the Sprit to obey. 

Therefore, I can have confidence that you could have the bravery to move to Portland. Or to Russia. Or to Timbuktu. Or to walk over to your neighbor's house and ask them over for dinner so they can experience Jesus through your family. Or to speak kind words of Peace to that cashier who just threw your eggs down the conveyor belt because she's struggling with the meaning of life today. 

You can be courageous. Or you can live life paralyzed with insecurity and fear while calling that life your "comfort zone." 

Okay, so maybe I'm stepping on toes. I can live with that. As the pastor of my sending church in GA says, "If you don't want your toes stepped on, don't do things that sticks them out in the aisle!" 

Be Courageous. 

It won't be easy. Year Two will have it's own set of struggles for our NCM and me personally in Portland and elsewhere. But let me share one thing I've learned that makes it better. 

It was the year 1519 and Hernán Cortés and his 600 men set sail for the New World. Their goal: conquer Mexico. They had high hopes and dreams--until it came time to fight. Then the men were afraid. They asked to turn back. To go back to where they came from. Cortés came up with a military strategy that has been questioned by historians for centuries. He spoke three words: "Burn the ships." With nowhere to retreat, the answer was clear for the whole group--fight and win or die trying. 

Last year I fought a lot of ships. The ships are the excuses we give God. Among many excuses, I told Him "Lord, I'm not like these people; You don't really want a Georgia girl here." 

Oh but He did. And He does. For some crazy unknowable reason, He does. And so I look forward to this new year, with all it's changes, it's joys, and it's struggles with great expectation. He Who has begin a good work will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. 

What kind of excuses are you giving Him today? Perhaps you're saying whatever you know He wants you to do costs too much. Do you know Him as Jehovah Jireh, our Provider? Maybe you don't feel you know enough. Do you realize He is our Rabbi, our Teacher?  Perhaps you're saying that if you reach out to your neighbors, it might be awkward or your children may encounter attitudes you don't want.  Do you trust that if He tells you to open your home, He will provide grace and opportunity for your whole family to grow together through discussion of real-world circumstances? 

Burn those ships. 

(This blogpost is just as much for me as it is for each of you. Come October I'm sure I'll need to review this little lesson. Maybe sooner! Feel free to ask along the way whether I'm following my own advice.)

Cortés' men had a little more to worry about; their leader was fallible and victory was uncertain. Our Guide is Eternally Perfect and our victory has already been won!

Be courageous. Fix your eyes upon Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith. He is an ever present Help and fearless Leader.