This past semester has been a full one--full of joy, full of grief, full of expectation, full of awe, full of lessons.God has had a lot to teach me this semester about Leadership and what it means to be "Spirit-led."
And He continues, of course.
At the beginning of the year in January, I knew Joshua and I were losing our student leadership team. I knew it had been happening for a long time when I began sharing new vision and ideas in September. I tried so hard to change that every leadership meeting. I knew from their obvious faithfulness and commitment to Christ that they wanted to be a part of His work. And I wanted them to understand more fully how excited I knew the Holy Spirit was about His work in this place. I would speak with joy and anticipation, eagerly sharing His goodness with them, pouring everything my soul could handle into as encouraging of a speech as possible.
Again. And Again. And Again.
One of them would be exhilarated, ready-to-go; the other three would look at me, hopeful but with a look of "I don't know what you are talking about" lingering in their eyes. I would leave leadership meeting exhausted once again, wondering why I had failed yet again. I'd given it everything!
So I cried "Why, God? What am I doing wrong?"
And then one day, one of the leadership students echoed me. "Mom," one of them addressed me in my usual nickname that always makes me smile. "What are we doing wrong? We invite and try hard, but no one is coming. I feel like NCM isn't going anywhere."
My heart sank. I had lost them. But how? But why?
I decided to ask. "What do you think we could do to make it better?"
His response was so clear, "I know you are excited, Mom. And I know God has given you a vision of where we are going and that it is beautiful. I can see it when you talk with us. I know you are the leader God wants to lead us there because you seem to always know we are moving. But I can't see it. I don't know what to measure it by. I don't know how I can be a part of getting to the end." He sighed. "I don't know what I personally am supposed to do everyday. So I find myself not doing anything."
In one second, I saw staff meeting after staff meeting, leadership after leadership meeting flash through my mind's eye. I saw the moments last year where I would leave a planning meeting with Joshua super frustrated because I felt like he would never understand. I saw the moments when I knew we were losing the student leadership team and felt helpless. And it dawned on me.
I was trying to communicate with them all like they were Miriam. Like I was the center of the universe.
Over the past few weeks, God has been showing me a lot about how leadership requires humbly leading differently according to how various students need to be led.
One of the leadership students is like me. Shep is big-picture, conceptual, more of a feeler, comfortable floating in and out of people's stories, knowing all along that God will bring the story to it's needed end.
The other three are detail-oriented, literal, fact-based, comfortable creating a long term plan out of short term ones, calculating their time out wisely to get to the desired end.
And so now when I present information at leadership meeting, I am learning to present it both ways. I am learning to dream in big-picture fashion first because that is what is natural to me and helps me grasp hold of the energy I need to encourage them. But then I begin the process of asking them questions and helping them break it down into more accomplish-able strategy that those who need facts can grasp and throw their all into.
Because it takes us all.
God designed each of our brains differently, and He uses us to balance each other beautifully. Alongside the spiritual gifts and personality types, learning styles are also a valuable piece of the effective Body of Christ.
Last year, I arrogantly approached the different views Joshua and I had in ministry with the attitude that Joshua "just wasn't relying on the Spirit enough." I had in my head that relying on the Spirit meant just feeling Him directing you in the moment and obeying. That's what I do everyday and it works for me in the way that I interact with Him. But through all of this, I've realized that is not the only way to interact with the Spirit. I believe that Joshua, Cody, Karissa, and Ryan all rely on the Spirit in their lives and commune with Him as they serve the Lord. They are incredible leaders full of His abiding presence! But their approach to walking in that presence means inviting the Spirit into the planning process, asking Him in advance of the moment about the details, the time, the strategy. And that is just as spiritual, just as holy, just as Biblical.
And we can learn from each other. Sometimes I need to be reminded of the details, of the prioritization of goals. Sometimes others need encouragement to jump fully into every situation, even if it wasn't on the list today.
I'm grateful that God chose to create us uniquely and fill us with His Spirit.
I'm grateful that He forgives my arrogance and allows me to continue to serve as I grow daily.
I'm grateful that NCM is moving--rapidly--toward amazing things as He completes His perfect work.
I'm grateful that we don't have to be losing heart or arguing or flailing, but "rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love." (Ephesians 4:15-16)
But I'm most grateful that Christ is Leader enough for us all!
