Faithful through the Pain

As many of you know, these past weeks have held a myraid of emotions and struggle.  Von Rogers, one of my campus ministers through college and one of the campus ministers who mentored me last year, discovered that she had Hodgkin's Lymphoma in early June; though she tried very hard to fight through chemo, she went on to live in our sweet Savoir's presence on Monday, October 21st. 

These past few weeks have been a battle for me. The classic question of "Why does God take good people and leave the evil?" has been playing through my mind and heart. This is the first death of someone close to me where I've been far enough along in my faith to wrestle with the Lord and be honest with Him about my struggle. 

As I have sought answers this past week and a half, the Lord has continuously shown His power. Simply saying, "I'm way beyond what you can comprehend." This morning I finally found what I've been searching for in two scriptures that I would like to share with you all. 

The first is Job 9:12-16: 

"If He takes away...who can say to Him, "What are you doing?"

Yes. Hard as that is to accept, YES. 

Because He is a past-finding-out kind of God. 

The second scripture passage is Psalm 78:34-35: 

Through this scripture passage, the Lord showed me how Von's death has ultimately driven me to His presence like I haven't been driven in a long time. In a sense, God has used not only Von's life to impact me spiritually but her death as well. He has used it to remind me once more how much my heart longs for Him, how much I need Him, how much He has to be my EVERYTHING on this road of campus ministry. 

Von was my college Mama Junior and Senior year; her faith showed me the reality of Christ when I was struggling with my own faith.  She was with me when I realized that campus ministry was God's call on my life. She was my mentor and co-leader as I led my first missions trip with students. She was the one who first heard about my dreams and then who later looked up pictures of PSU with me to find the dreams were true. She was the first person to say she wanted to be a supporter. She always seemed to text me that she was praying for me about EXACTLY what was going on that day, even if I hadn't previously told her; she listened to the Spirit. And now, even though she cannot be physically be with me, she has sped me into my Father's presence once more. 

Thank you, sweet Von. I love you. You will always impact me. 

Thank You, Abba. I love You. You are too kind. You truly do things past finding out. 

Forever Amen and Amen.   

To Be A Little Different

The crazy people were in the Park Blocks today. And by "crazy people", I don't mean the mentally instable. I mean these people--

Some of you might be thinking, "That's awesome! They are acting unashamed of their faith and preaching the gospel on the streets." 

But no. Quite the opposite. Because Portland doesn't know Christianity as Jesus. Portlanders know Christianity and Jesus as "the crazy people-haters." Portlanders are well aware of these people and their tactics. Portlanders' responses are not interest or heart-change. Their response is either walking past quickly or yelling back openly. And the street preachers' responses to such are no better; they fall to faulty arguments and sweeping generalizations and treat people with no respect. 

The Park Blocks are public green space that runs down the middle of campus. As public property, they are a free speech area. Many different groups come to rally their cause. As I walked into the Park Blocks this afternoon and saw and heard the ruckus, my heart was saddened. I meandered in and out of the crowd, talking with students. "What do you think of what that guy is saying?" I would ask. Then patiently listen as they spat out anger and bitterness. Afterward, I would be able to share with them about the life Jesus brought me--not just death and judgment. Death is Satan's thing: judgment is God's thing. Life, through His mercy, is my thing.  My job is to share hopeful truth. And my desire is to share through meaningful, respectful relationships with those who want answers. But I don't have answers. It is tempting for me to get out my spiritual hammer and nail people by telling them all the things they are doing that aren't right. But I'm learning that always backfires, and I end up hitting my own fingers. I'm just as imperfect, only I have the Spirit living within me to give me life. It's all Him. Not me. 

As I talked with people in the crowd, I met Macy and Jared, Josh and David--all students who needed Jesus. Each of them left me with the comment, "You are a different Christian." I thought back to one of my first conversations with my agnostic roommate in which she made the comment. "We were worried you were going to be like the people in the Park Blocks. We thought you were going to be weird. But you're a different kind of weird than we thought." 

How are you being "a different kind of weird" in your cultural context? I would love to hear your stories!