Burn The Ships

I'm sitting in the Albuquerque, New Mexico airport waiting to be picked up by a van full of college students and fellow campus ministers whom I love dearly. We're headed to Collegiate Week at Glorieta Christian Camp, where several thousand college students and their leaders will worship together this week. I'm stoked! I might be excited a little because of camp (I LOVE camp!), but mainly I'm excited because:

It's the Beginning of Year Two.  

Today as I flew across the U.S., I reflected on this last year and this summer. I thought about what I would name these months if I had to give them a title. Without a doubt, I would give them the over-arching title: The Call To Be Courageous.

Last year was hard, y'all. Although I now desperately love the City of Roses, let's face it; there were many times I wanted to give up and go back to GA.

There was the fact that I moved 3000 miles away from my family. 

I left that day for Oregon with $80 to my name needing to feed, house, and transport myself for two weeks before I would get my first check from supporters. 

One of my spiritual moms and good friends died of cancer five weeks into the journey. 

I built all new friendships in every arena from the ground up (and in the process, stumbled quite a bit).

Culture shock was in full swing and with it many new philosophies to seek to discern Truth about.

I first had three roommates who didn't love Jesus--or me. 

Joshua and I had no idea how we were going to connect with students, much less start any consistent ministry. 

And the list could go on.

While I've been home in GA this summer, people have said over and over: "I don't know how you moved there all by yourself; I couldn't do that."  Do you know what my response is to that? 

Actually, you could.

You have the potential to be very, very brave. 

Do you know how I know that? Because our heavenly Father gave us the command to "Be strong and courageous, and do not be afraid." (Josh 1:9) And He doesn't give commands He doesn't give us a choice and the ability through the Sprit to obey. 

Therefore, I can have confidence that you could have the bravery to move to Portland. Or to Russia. Or to Timbuktu. Or to walk over to your neighbor's house and ask them over for dinner so they can experience Jesus through your family. Or to speak kind words of Peace to that cashier who just threw your eggs down the conveyor belt because she's struggling with the meaning of life today. 

You can be courageous. Or you can live life paralyzed with insecurity and fear while calling that life your "comfort zone." 

Okay, so maybe I'm stepping on toes. I can live with that. As the pastor of my sending church in GA says, "If you don't want your toes stepped on, don't do things that sticks them out in the aisle!" 

Be Courageous. 

It won't be easy. Year Two will have it's own set of struggles for our NCM and me personally in Portland and elsewhere. But let me share one thing I've learned that makes it better. 

It was the year 1519 and Hernán Cortés and his 600 men set sail for the New World. Their goal: conquer Mexico. They had high hopes and dreams--until it came time to fight. Then the men were afraid. They asked to turn back. To go back to where they came from. Cortés came up with a military strategy that has been questioned by historians for centuries. He spoke three words: "Burn the ships." With nowhere to retreat, the answer was clear for the whole group--fight and win or die trying. 

Last year I fought a lot of ships. The ships are the excuses we give God. Among many excuses, I told Him "Lord, I'm not like these people; You don't really want a Georgia girl here." 

Oh but He did. And He does. For some crazy unknowable reason, He does. And so I look forward to this new year, with all it's changes, it's joys, and it's struggles with great expectation. He Who has begin a good work will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. 

What kind of excuses are you giving Him today? Perhaps you're saying whatever you know He wants you to do costs too much. Do you know Him as Jehovah Jireh, our Provider? Maybe you don't feel you know enough. Do you realize He is our Rabbi, our Teacher?  Perhaps you're saying that if you reach out to your neighbors, it might be awkward or your children may encounter attitudes you don't want.  Do you trust that if He tells you to open your home, He will provide grace and opportunity for your whole family to grow together through discussion of real-world circumstances? 

Burn those ships. 

(This blogpost is just as much for me as it is for each of you. Come October I'm sure I'll need to review this little lesson. Maybe sooner! Feel free to ask along the way whether I'm following my own advice.)

Cortés' men had a little more to worry about; their leader was fallible and victory was uncertain. Our Guide is Eternally Perfect and our victory has already been won!

Be courageous. Fix your eyes upon Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith. He is an ever present Help and fearless Leader. 

Lewis and Clark Expedition 2014: NGA BCM Spring Break Missions Team

During the third week of March, a team came up from the University of North Georgia to serve with us in Portland; we lovingly dubbed the trip "Lewis and Clark Expedition 2014". I enjoyed serving alongside students from the campus ministry I had the opportunity to intern at last year. Definitely encouraged me to see GA friends!

The team was made up of five girls: Courtney (their fearless leader), Taylor, Katelyn, Stacey, and Katie. Here's a few pictures from their visit, as well as testimonies from two of the girls about how God work in their lives on the trip. 

The team on the riverfront: Stacey, Courtney, Katie, Taylor, Katelyn

"I am so glad I had the opportunity to spend a week in Portland doing mission work. I truly think God is working in the North West. We were able to serve with serval different ministries during the week, including a homeless ministry called Night Strike, Portland State NCM, and a sweet lady named Kelly who organizes community mission projects. It was really neat to see how God was using each ministry in different ways to reach the people of Portland. One of my favorite things we did while in Portland was one of the projects we did with Kelly. We went to a laundry mat and paid for people's laundry and gave out free pizza, doughnuts, and drinks. During this time we were also able to talk to customers who came in. It was always such a blessing to see people's reactions when they realized that we would be paying for their laundry. That also gave us an opportunity to explain why were there. Through this trip, God really opened my eyes to how I could be serving and reaching people at home." -Katie 

Stacey (above) and Taylor (below) loving on children at the Good News club. 

"In one week of being in Portland, I walked all over the city streets; rode the public transit with some interesting natives; found my way all over PSU putting up posters; touched the Pacific ocean; bonded with an amazing team of Christians from Washington; handed out PB&Js to the homeless; threw a party in a laundromat; and had the Lord break my heart with His over the children there. I can't accurately convey what being in the Northwest culture--specifically the "None" Zone--did for my perspective. Too many Christians believe that people who have never heard the name of Jesus (or know of the Bible) exist only outside of America. Unfortunately, Portland rightly earned the title of having the most people check off "none" in a religious survey. Even worse, the culture there has it to where even the politest stranger typically  won't carry on a conversation with you. The entire week I found myself to be frustrated with southern Christian culture in that we have the privilege to talk to strangers, believers and not, and yet so many of us do not ever say a word to anyone new. It made me realize that nearly all the obstacles southerns face in sharing their beliefs were created by the culture itself--their comfort with familiarity contains the Gospel. And we need to change that. One week in Portland allowed me to see the need and the difficulties with reaching lost people there and simultaneously showed me the growing problem at home." -Taylor

(Above) This year Joshua and I have been investing in relationships with students through the environmental club. They needed some work done in the community garden before Earth Day. It was a great way to be the hands and feet of Jesus on campus! 

(Below) On the team's last day in Portland, we invited them to go with a group of our students to the Coast. Haystack Rock didn't disappoint! 

And the Lord said, "Make Vegan Smores!"

Ever have one of those days when you're a jerk and anything but like Jesus? 

Yeah. I had one of those yesterday. 

Worse yet, I had that moment with Joshua, my co-campus minister, and Karissa, one of our leadership students, there to view the whole thing. Goodness.  

Karissa first had the idea of doing an event called "Good S'mornings" a few weeks ago (and I've been proud to see her pursue carrying it out!). The idea is that we will love campus by making s'mores before morning classes, which will open up opportunities for conversing and building relationships. We are planning to do a test run on May 28th, and if it goes over well, we'll continue it regularly next school year as a part of our outreach and publicity. We've been planning our budget this week, looking at costs for not only regular s'mores but also some gluten-free, vegan ones because of the audience we serve here in the NorthWest. 

Enter grouchy Miriam.

It turns out vegan s'mores are three times as expensive as regular ones. And that was frustrating me. In my moment of utter non-dependancy on the Lord for provision and my extreme judgment on people with different values than me, I made a lot of non-Jesus like comments yesterday about the making of vegan s'mores, saying, among other embarrassing things I don't care to repeat, that we should just scrap the idea because those people needed to get over it anyway. 

Bless my heart.

Joshua and Karissa stuck to their guns, correcting me about my non-Jesus-like attitude and claiming that we should still do vegan smores. Praise the Lord for them! As Joshua has said before, they were graciously attempting "to keep me from the whole fish gut experience." I walked away knowing they were correct but still stubbornly claiming, "Well, I don't have to be happy about it while I am doing it!" 

Bless my heart. 

Then...what to my wondering eyes should appear this morning in Bible study? Did you know that there is a verse in the Bible about vegan smores? I didn't either! But apparently the Lord felt it necessary to show me this morning. It actually comes from the passage that was my theme verses for this whole ministry launch back last September. Funny how that works. 

Isaiah 58:6-12:

 “Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?

 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house;

when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

 Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily;

your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.

 Then you shall call, and the Lordwill answer; you shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am.’

If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,

 if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,

then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday.

 And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong;

and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.

 And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;

you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in.

It was the Lord's way of saying, "If you pour yourself out for the hungry..." POUR YOURSELF OUT, Miriam. Not do the bare minimum. The bare minimum for Jesus was death on the cross. That was Him being your sacrifice. But no. He rose from the dead. He went beyond the requirement of the law (blood sacrifice) to bring you eternal life. Do you love like that?"

And as if that wasn't enough for me to get the point, I am also reading out of Ruth 2 today.  I've read the story of Ruth dozens of time, but what sticks out to me today? The fact that Boaz goes beyond what he had to do by law. Doesn't just let Ruth glean, but gives her water, food, and protection, even telling his servants to leave extra for her. 

There it is. Pour yourself out. Extra.

1Timothy 6:18-19 sums it up: 

Believers are "to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that others may take hold of that which is truly Life."

Pour yourself out. Extra. Generous. Vegan smores. Those are all synonyms for me today. 

What are the synonyms in your life today?  

I Drank My Coffee Black: Lessons From the Portland Journey

I'm writing from Blue Kangaroo, a coffee shop near my home in SouthEast Portland. As I sip on my medium roast, I reflect on how the Lord has been changing my heart over these past few months; the cup in my hand really speaks to the issue.

When I moved to Portland, I greatly disliked coffee. In my stubborn pride, I looked in disdain at every cup all these Portlanders drank. That stuff was bitter and wasn't to my liking. So was tea. And I told people so. 

Then one day in October, I was standing in line at a Starbucks waiting to get coffee with a student and I randomly felt like the Holy Spirit told me to get a mocha instead of my typical hot cocoa.  I didn't want to, but the next thing I knew, I'd paid the cashier for a mocha with soy and I was sitting at my table with my undesired beverage. My student had heard me order and was on the verge of a heart attack from the excitement of me finally learning to drink coffee. I tried it. It wasn't bitter. It actually....wasn't all that bad. 

Weeks turned into months and slowly I began to wean myself off the sweeter coffees until last week when the moment of truth came. Sitting with that same non-believing student, I drank my first whole cup of black coffee. And it was delicious! She asked me what had made me change my mind. The Spirit brought my coffee journey full circle as I had opportunity to speak freely about Jesus through these two things I've learned:

1. Bitter isn't always bad.

Neither is a gray cloudy sky. Or rules. Or even death. Each of these contrasts their opposite: sweetness, sunshine, grace, life. Without them, we wouldn't have a proper knowledge of the world and our blessings. And with them, we get to experience new dimensions of the fullness of joy He has for us here. Bitterness adds new possibilities for our tastebuds. Gray has so many beautiful shades and turns the Willamette river silver. Rules create a framework for organized living. And death can finalize a life well lived and usher a redeemed child into the Presence of God. 

2. Love must be relevant.

Until a couple of weeks ago, quite a few precious brothers and sisters in Christ had tried to get this across to me (you know who you are--THANK YOU), but I had such an attitude, I couldn't see the truth the Lord was literally screaming through them, trying to get my attention.  Then on March 1st, Ken, Joshua, and I went to Seattle for a conference on how to better reach international students. One of the speakers said:

 "Don't look at your international students as a group of people who need charity or pity because they didn't grow up in the U.S. Praise God they didn't grow up here! They have a different and unique world view; God has given you an incredible opportunity to learn by bringing the diversity of His heart right to your community. Humble yourself. Learn. And love AFTER you learn about the ways they connect to God. To try to teach them God from your worldview alone is futile; you want them to be able to not only grasp and accept Jesus as their Savior but to be able to carry Him back to their cultural contexts." 

The Lord used that comment to shake some sense into me. And it hadn't just been in international ministry that I'd expressed the "they just have to get used to the way I love" mentality. It had manifested itself many places, even with people from my own childhood culture. Sometimes love looks like a cup of coffee, that I've learned to actually enjoy, along with this cultural context I'm learning to call home. Sometimes love looks like eating grape leaves diped in olive oil and vinegar with a smile for the sake of the gospel even if a piece of me is dying with every chew; it looks like trying it again...and again...because I refuse to be hindered in ministry because my tastebuds are trying to run my life. Sometimes love means learning to appreciate video games so I can connect with my students who love them. Sometimes love is staying out of someone's bubble because they are not a hug person, even though I am. It's not about how I feel or what I want. If I desire to encourage, sometimes I need to first stop throwing up discouragement on them by my complaining, and then begin to listen to find how to build them up. Love can't be demanded, manipulated, or used. If I'm truly seeking to love them, it's not about me--it's about them and it's about Jesus.

It is my desire that as we walk our separate journeys, the Lord will grow us all in these areas of faith. I pray that I will continue to be open to His changing my heart, as I know I still have a long way to go in learning to love like Jesus. 

For love seeks not her own. 

Lord, let it be true. 

And begin in me. 

Maybe I should tackle green tea next...

No Longer a Southerner

My world was swirling as I walked through Hartsfield-Jackson; I was excited to be home for the holidays, but it was all a little overwhelming, really. No one told me about reverse culture shock. 

As I greeted and interacted with others, I realized that the sheer amount of physical touch was an envasion of the personal space I had somehow acquired in the NW. I spoke things more directly than everyone and felt rude by the GA standards that had raised me. Restaurants didn't have an automatic non-dairy option. Someone made a joke about hipsters and another person slighted people not from the South, and I found myself offended. "Those are people whom I love!" I wanted to scream. People assumed I would feel the same way they did about people outside Southern culture, and I didn't. I don't. I've changed. 

I love other cultures, different as they may be from my childhood. I love hipsters. I love Asians. I love Muslims. I love Southerners. 

When I first moved to Portland, I was determined to learn to like Portland culture. "That is what good missionaries do," I thought. So I set off to teach myself. However, cultures clash. Therefore, as I noted the points of Portland culture I needed to learn to like, I also noticed how different they were from the Southern culture I loved and claimed as my own. And I played the comparison game, which was hurtful for my relationships with several people in Portland because in my attempt to love culture, I forgot about the people who operate within in. 

But now as I step back and see things from this perspective, I begin to see what it means to love as Jesus. People-loving results in culture-loving, but culture-loving does not people-loving make. Culture is only part of a person so even if I were to love that culture perfectly, I would only be loving part of the person. But culture is a part of a person so if I love them unconditionally, I love the culture they bring along on our journey together. 

For example, Jenny is not a girl from China whose culture I need to love. No. Jenny is a friend who happens to love eating Thai food, teaching me Chinese words I can never remember, and telling me about Bejing. And I love all of those things because I love her. 

And, with the help of friends who've walked this culture shock journey before, I'm realizing it's the same with me. 

I'm no longer a Southerner. 

I'm not a wannabe Portlander.

I'm just Miriam. 

I'm just a person who loves all people because Jesus first loved me. This world is not my home. And may I never boast in anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ by whom the world has been crucified to me and I to the world. For neither circumcision nor uncircumcision (cultural differences and norms) mean anything; the only thing that matters is a new creation! (Gal 6:14-15)

A new creation by Christ Jesus. 

This is my story, my identity, my life. 

So... Hello, GA! It's good to see you, but you're not better than OR. Neither is OR better than you. You're both places filled with people whom I love. Forever and always. 

The Joy of a Broken Hallelujah

I listened closely to the words of the song "Hallelujah" though I never had really paid attention before. A phrase stuck out to me clearly. "Love is not a victory march; it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah."

Sometimes in life we do stupid things. Sometimes they are completely accidental but they still worry others. Yesterday was one of those days. I messed up directions while hiking; the girls and guys decided to hike at a different pace and meet at the top, but we girls took the wrong trail. Joshua and Tyler couldn't get a hold of me or Jenn and Kim, the two girls with me, and thought we were hurt, kidnapped, or dead. Meanwhile, we were happily enjoying our hike, the views, and each other's company. We weren't lost, persay, but we weren't on the correct trail, either. When we got back in range for good service, we called Joshua, who we quickly learned was very worried, had spent a while searching for us, and was about to send park rangers after us. 

When I heard he was worried, I braced myself for anger, too. I braced myself for a lecture on how to do it better next time. I braced myself to feel dumb. Instead, when we met back up with him and Tyler, they were so relieved. When I tried to apologize, he said, "No. I should have never left you. And I'm just glad you are okay." 

His response rocked my world.

As I pondered his response and heard the words to "Hallelujah" last night, I realized that I have had a flawed view of God. I tend to assume that when I mess things up I should brace myself. When in reality, He extends that same kind of grace to my soul, and I do not need to fear.

"Love is not a victory march; it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah." 

The line stuck out to me because Joshua's unconditional care wasn't because I did all the right things and won victoriously. It was in that brokenness (when I'd messsed up) that he still showed compassion and "sang an hallelujah" over us formerly "lost" hikers. No "I told you." No anger. No humilitation. Just this unconditional care for our well-being despite ourselves. 

It's called Grace. 

You know, Someone Else "sang an hallelujah" over me one other time when I was lost. Jesus sang a "cold and broken hallelujah" over us at the cross. He set aside His victory-march-against-Rome-ready crown and died in my place. The King of kings rejoicing over me through the pain with singing.

It's called Grace. 

 

And this got me to thinking. Do I, in turn, sing a broken hallelujah over others? When various non-Christian students here showcase their brokenness, do I dwell on the annoyance it may cause me or the wrongness of their actions?  Or do I "sing an hallelujah" over them? When my Christian brothers and sisters fail, do I sing or scoff, bless or break, give grace or grief?

I want to sing more often. To praise the Lord for them and be grateful for the ways that they challenge me and the opportunties being among them brings for the furtherance of the gospel. I might not be perfect while I'm doing it, but I will offer my own brokenness to the Ultimate Hallelujah Singer. 

He is Gracious, indeed. Hallelujah!

When Life Feels Like Heart Surgery

Allow me to share a piece of truth with you: missionaries are FAR from perfect. 

These past two months in Portland have felt like one long continual process of open heart surgery. Without anesthesia. Through this journey, the Lord has revealed so many things about my heart and given me constant ways I need to change in order to be able to reveal Christ in me in this place. I would like to share seven with you. 

#1: Complaining, even disguised as conversation about culture shock, brings resentment. There is a reason Philippians 2:14-16 enourages us to "do all things without complaining or arguing so that you may become blameless and pure children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life." I have struggled through culture shock in this place, but instead of taking those cares and casting them upon the Lord and bringing an offering of thanksgiving for this place, I have often been caught comparing life here to life in GA. While GA is a pretty cool place, I have had to come to grips with the fact that Oregon is just as cool of a place and THIS is where God has me in this season. I am called to be all in HERE. He is working in and through me HERE. Just because Oregonians don't do life the same doesn't mean that their culture doesn't give me something to praise God for HERE. When people see me constantly comparing OR to GA but then they hear me say that I believe God called me here, they hear me say that I am not content with God's choices, that I don't trust Him to choose what is best, that I am challenging their upbringing here as not as good as mine. Though this has not been my intention, I have had to learn these things the hard way. 

#2: Listening to others' advice and Biblical wisdom is key to success. Early on in my time here, Joshua told me I needed to stop comparing OR to GA. Had I humbled myself and quit being stubborn long enough to listen, I could have avoided a lot of the things I am having to go back and fix now. Very reflective of Proverbs 11:2: "With pride comes shame, but with the humble is wisdom."

#3: Students are people and friends--NEVER ministry projects. One thing is super clear in all of our records of Jesus' life. Everyone He met was a person made in the image of God, and He treated them as such. Never were people projects to fix or challenges to conquer. I am not the focus of ministry.  My success is not the point of ministry. "So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase."  (I Cor 3:7)

#4: The heart is deceptive, and if I don't watch my motives, I will get off track. We don't really always know what our hearts are saying. "The heart is decietful above all things and desperately wicked; who can know it? I, the LORD, search the heart; I test the mind..." I have been learning throughout my time here that building friendships with people has to be a heart-searching process. It can't be about self, manipulation, control, or fulfillment of desire. It has to be about Jesus, about selfless, honest, and purity-focused love, and about vulnerable, grace-and-truth-filled compassion. 

#5: Fighting for people's trust means I have to be trustworthy. Trustworthy equals vulnerability, patience, and pure motives. Trust is not just allowing others to see my heart; it is just as much allowing them to show me theirs in their time. I can't force someone to give me the puzzle pieces of their life. Trust isn't something I earn for doing all the right things; it's not a math problem. Trust is a gift. 

#6: "You have to make worldly friends in order to see them become godly friends." Faith, my spiritual mama here in Portland, shared these words with me yesterday and they hit home with me. It's easy to want to walk away from uncomfortable conversations here because living in a culture with values so different from what I am used to, those conversations abound. But I am learning to instead love, pray, and listen through them. If I want people to share their real lives with me, I must be willing to listen to their real lives and share from my real life--struggles and all. 

#7: I can't ride on what I've believed since childhood; I have to know the reason AND be able to explain it. Colossians 4:5-6 tells us to "Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one." So often I have floated on the "always with grace" part of that verse; in a Southern context, where more people are familiar with the Bible as a result of geographical "Bible-belt" culture, sometimes that is enough. But here it is most definitely not. I have been challenged both by students and by Joshua as he encourages me through and walks alongside me in situations and conversations with students to know the reasons. This is a slow growth process that has been put on steriods in my life recently because the culture requires that I know and that I can explain. 

Even though these past two months have been the most overwhelming and adjustment-filled of my life, I am grateful that He continues to work in me. Through it all, He is proving Himself Faithful in this place. An update of that nature still to come!