Faithful through the Pain

As many of you know, these past weeks have held a myraid of emotions and struggle.  Von Rogers, one of my campus ministers through college and one of the campus ministers who mentored me last year, discovered that she had Hodgkin's Lymphoma in early June; though she tried very hard to fight through chemo, she went on to live in our sweet Savoir's presence on Monday, October 21st. 

These past few weeks have been a battle for me. The classic question of "Why does God take good people and leave the evil?" has been playing through my mind and heart. This is the first death of someone close to me where I've been far enough along in my faith to wrestle with the Lord and be honest with Him about my struggle. 

As I have sought answers this past week and a half, the Lord has continuously shown His power. Simply saying, "I'm way beyond what you can comprehend." This morning I finally found what I've been searching for in two scriptures that I would like to share with you all. 

The first is Job 9:12-16: 

"If He takes away...who can say to Him, "What are you doing?"

Yes. Hard as that is to accept, YES. 

Because He is a past-finding-out kind of God. 

The second scripture passage is Psalm 78:34-35: 

Through this scripture passage, the Lord showed me how Von's death has ultimately driven me to His presence like I haven't been driven in a long time. In a sense, God has used not only Von's life to impact me spiritually but her death as well. He has used it to remind me once more how much my heart longs for Him, how much I need Him, how much He has to be my EVERYTHING on this road of campus ministry. 

Von was my college Mama Junior and Senior year; her faith showed me the reality of Christ when I was struggling with my own faith.  She was with me when I realized that campus ministry was God's call on my life. She was my mentor and co-leader as I led my first missions trip with students. She was the one who first heard about my dreams and then who later looked up pictures of PSU with me to find the dreams were true. She was the first person to say she wanted to be a supporter. She always seemed to text me that she was praying for me about EXACTLY what was going on that day, even if I hadn't previously told her; she listened to the Spirit. And now, even though she cannot be physically be with me, she has sped me into my Father's presence once more. 

Thank you, sweet Von. I love you. You will always impact me. 

Thank You, Abba. I love You. You are too kind. You truly do things past finding out. 

Forever Amen and Amen.